Welcome to The Briefcase

Commentary and analysis of Ohio criminal law and whatever else comes to mind, served with a dash of snark.  Continue Reading »

×

Friday Update

Expanding the blog roll... or not.  Andy Warhol is said to have remarked that, in the future, everybody will be famous for fifteen minutes.  (A decent argument could be mustered that the remark represented Andy's fifteen minutes.  Yeah, I know, there were the soup cans and the Marilyn Monroe picture, but still...)  Nowadays, it seems likely that in the future, everybody will have their own talk show or reality show.  Or that every lawyer will have his own blog.  The people at Inter Alia keep track of all that, featuring a Blawg (combination of law and blog) of the Day.  To the best of my knowledge, Yours Truly hasn't made the list, but after things like the Pain Pump Law Blog and the RLUIPA Blog, the latter of which features discussions of the Religious Land Use and Institutionalized Persons Act, I can't be far behind, can I?

Actually, after I wrote that paragraph, I used the search feature on Inter Alia and found that they'd mentioned me, way back in May of 2007.  Which reminds me, on May 16, 2011, unless I get hit by a bus or win the lottery and retire to a condo on Maui, I'll be celebrating my 5th-year Blogiversary.  It's not too early to start thinking of something nice to get me.

By the way, if you're like me, you read that thing about the RLUIPA Blog and said, "What the hell does religious land use have to do with institutionalized persons?"

Thanks for the mammaries.  In an effort to expand this blog's target demographic to males in the 13-16 age range, we bring you the story of Serena Kozakura, a Japanese pin-up model who was convicted of property destruction for supposedly kicking the door of her former boyfriend's room and crawling through the hole to confront him because he was with another woman.  The judge tossed the case, finding "reasonable doubt" in the boyfriend's account after Serena's attorneys proved that her 44-inch bust would have made it impossible for her to fit through the hole in the door.  Details (and pictures) here.

A cautionary tale, though.  You start by looking at pictures of Serena Kozakura's (clothed) breasts, and next thing you know, you've stolen over $83,000 from your employer to pay for pornography, including some $4,000 in charges for Comcast's adult movie channel.  What's even worse, as Jonathan Turley tells us, is that your employer is St. John the Baptist Church, and you're its pastor.

Lookin' like a fool with his pants on the ground.  The Columbus Dispatch relates the sad tale of a would-be bank robber whose efforts were foiled by his sartorial decision to prize form over function.  He ordered the teller to put money into a bag, and she did, but also slipped in a red dye packet.  The Dispatch relates the sad end to this saga:

Impeded by his sagging pants, the robber shuffled out the door, Trombitas said, and the dye pack then exploded into a cloud of red smoke. The robber dropped the bag and fled.

I'm not sure the picture at right makes a good "wanted" poster, but it should certainly qualify him as an honorary plumber.

Although this robber escaped, Khory Gagner wasn't as fortunate.  As this story relates, he broke into a sports bar and started a fire when he tried to cook some snacks, all while the family which owned the bar was watching this on real-time video surveillance.  They went to the bar to apprehend him, which didn't prove difficult:  "His pants were clear down around his knees, so he couldn't run very well," noted the person who caught him.

And Turley again points us to a story of another criminal whose fashion choices proved even more disastrous.  After breaking into an apartment to rob it and slaughtering three members of a New York City family, Hector Quinones' attempts to kill another were thwarted when he "tripped over his low-slung pants."  When the would-be victim ran to the window and screamed for help, Quinones sought to escape:

Fleeing empty-handed, Quinones ditched his gun, a .380-caliber semiautomatic pistol loaded with hollow-point bullets, and made a dash down a rear fire escape.

But again, his low-slung pants fell to his ankles, tripping him and sending him falling three stories to his death, authorities said.

See you on Monday.

Search

Recent Entries

  • February 23, 2018
    Marsy's Law -- Restitution
    How the Victim's Rights Amendment passed last November affects restitution
  • February 20, 2018
    What's Up in the 8th
    A search decision, more "policies," and why a seminar for muni court judges on taking pleas might be a good idea
  • February 14, 2018
    Two more to death row
    A couple of death penalty decisions from the Ohio Supreme Court
  • February 12, 2018
    En banc on sentencing
    The 8th looks at the appellate court's role in reviewing sentences
  • February 8, 2018
    SCOTUS and the Fourth
    A couple of upcoming Supreme Court decisions on search and seizure
  • February 5, 2018
    What's Up in the 8th
    The benefits of appealing muni court cases, lecture time, and when you absolutely, positively, cannot raise arguments about manifest weight and sufficiency
  • February 2, 2018
    Friday Roundup
    School specs and sovereign citizens
  • January 31, 2018
    A tale of three cases
    The Ohio Supreme Court decides one case, and decides not to decide two others
  • January 29, 2018
    What's Up in the 8th
    Getting rid of an attorney, no contest pleas, and probation conditions
  • January 26, 2018
    Friday Roundup
    Information society. Last week I did a post about Aaron Judge and the lack of hard data in the field of criminal law. We have mainly anecdotal information on what kinds of sentences judges hand down, we have no idea...